You can stand under my umbrella

"I'll have what she's having."
~When Harry Met Sally

Tonight's a late night at the office, and I find myself pretty grateful that I don't have to rush home and cook dinner or do laundry for a husband. I mean yeah, it would be nice for someone to give a crap how my day has been, but generally speaking, I have girlfriends for that (see yesterday's post).

Suffice it to say that it's not often I yearn for coupledom. There are only two certainties in life--death and taxes--and both of those would be easier as a Mrs. The latter for obvious reasons, and the former due to the apprehension I feel about having no one to care for me in my old age and inevitable loony bin intake.

So I'm happily single. Footloose and fancy free to work late and eat a power bar for dinner.

But as I gaze out my office window, I see my coworker Carol's husband, Larry, pulling up in front of the office in the torrential rain. He gets out of the vehicle, pops a golf umbrella emblazoned with the Missouri Tigers logo (her favorite team) and walks to the front door to escort her to the car so she won't get wet.

At that moment I realize that's what love is. It's not about the fancy gifts or tax breaks. It's about anticipating someone else's needs, and taking care of it before they even have to ask. It's about holding an umbrella. Ella, ella, ella.

Guess I'll just be getting wet.

I asked for it

How do people with jobs have kids and social lives? I can barely remember to pay my bills, much less pay attention to something/one breathing. (And yeah, sometimes I forget, Cox Communications!)

I should have known today would be crazy when I saw a snake and nearly got run over by a wayward school bus on my early morning run. But no, I ventured back out into the world after my heart rate declined. Then I went to my one scheduled meeting for today, which turned into two more, which led to crashing a brunch, followed by another meeting... so I finally headed to my office at noon.

Meetings are truly the bane of my existence, but this morning's were super productive. I left with my brain filled with ideas and 23 new things on my to-do list. I accomplished four of 'em by the time I left my office at 6:45. When did my life become so crazy?

Luckily for all of you, I'm never too busy to to tell you how busy I am.

I had an epiphany driving home tonight while putting things on my calendar and simultaneously making social plans via text: my life is crazy because that's the way I like it. I love to be busy, feel needed, and be motivated. I asked for a full calendar, lack of sleep, and work stress. Because, in the past, I've had jobs with little responsibility. I've had days when I finished my tasks seven hours before quitting time. And I've experienced being able to leave the office and turn off my brain.

And I loathed it. So I'll take the craziness, the never-ending to-do list, and all the other trappings of my busy, stressful life. Fill up my calendar, kids. It makes me feel needed.

Still wonder why I'm single?

Rundown

I guess the past few weeks (read:months) finally caught up with me. I've been too cheap to buy my $50 prescription allergy medication, and have instead been using my own cocktail of Sudafed and Zyrtec to lessen my ever-present sinus headache. Usually one or two weekends a month the convergence of too little sleep, too much stress, and way too much pollen keep me in bed, but I haven't had the chance to do that in awhile. And since work's been wearing me out and I decided to train for a 10K, I crashed. Hard.

I went to bed early Thursday night, woke up just long enough to declare Friday a sick day, and finally got out of bed last night after sleeping 40 hours out of 48.

This morning I was feeling some better, so I attempted my scheduled four-mile run, but only made it two miles before walking the other two. My Nike+ run tracker not only is a cool gadget, but serves to motivate me. So I ran another 2.5 miles tonight.

I'm gearing up to run the Cancer Challenge 10K which is, quite coincidentally, on my 38th birthday. Two years ago I couldn't even run the 5K, and now I'm working my way up to the 10K. Who would've thunk it? And yet, my pants aren't getting bigger.

But I did convince my boss to let me work an alternate schedule in June so that I can run at 6 a.m. before it gets too hot and I drink too many diet cokes. He's a runner, therefore he understands my weird obsession. I swear, I never thought I'd be the girl who gets addicted to running, but it's happening. Oh, I still hate it every day. But I love plugging in my Nike+ USB into my laptop and logging my results. I love that I can feel my abs tightening as I run. And I love that the hail damage on my thighs is nearly gone.

Only 3,090 more miles to go before I attain Nike+ "black" status. That ought to take me about 10 years or so.

Growing older but not up

Had a great trip to Dallas this weekend. Saw Jimmy Buffett in Frisco last night with my friend Krista. The concert was fun--if not a total sea of humanity--but I'm not looking forward to the catalog of tickets I amassed while running through toll booths on the way back and forth to Pizza Hut Park. Seriously, Texas, you should be able to finance a secession from the union with the sheer volume of tolls you collect around Dallas.

This morning we slept in, ate breakfast, then stimulated the economy at the outlet mall in Allen. Believe it or not, I actually wore out a pair of running shoes (file under: sentences you never thought I'd write), so I bought new Shox and a watch today to keep up with my runs. It measures my pace, distance, and time, and then uploads to a website via the USB port in my watch. How seriously cool is that?

It was awesome planning on my part to schedule a vacation day tomorrow. I'm crashing after a super busy week, so I hope I can sleep in tomorrow, then nap excessively. Hello, four-day work week!

Contrary to popular belief, I only had one margarita last night. I was driving, and since they were $14 each, I was one of the more sober people in the audience. The weather is here... wish you were beautiful! (Love that I'm holding some singles here... that doesn't look trashy AT ALL.)

Exhaustion

It's only 7:30 and I'm already thinking about bedtime.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. I'm working a lot of hours at the office, and between commuting, exercising, and working on a personal project, I barely have time to think, much less write a coherent blog post. I really wish I were in the mood to be pithy and amusing, but I just don't have it in me right now.

Every morning this week my alarm has gone off at 5:15 so that I could get up and run, and every morning this week I've reset my alarm for an hour later when I really have to get up to get to work on time.

I'm really, really tired. So to the three of you waiting on a post, I apologize for the lack of quality. Hopefully I'll be back to normal soon. For now, I'm headed to bed while it's still daylight.

Boxing Day

It seems I should have packed my boxing gloves to get through this week.

I mean, it's not like I start out the day gunning for fights, but they seem to have a way of finding me. Especially this week. And, believe it or not, I'm not really confrontational. It's the Walker family way.

So I avoid conflict if at all possible, waiting for people to figure out their mistakes on their own. But they seldom do. Because the world is full of excuses and deflections, and seldom does anyone blame themselves for their problems.

If people are self-reflective, they choose to wallow in guilt and self-pity instead of learning the lesson and moving on. Quit apologizing! Show me you're sorry by changing your behavior and not repeating your mistakes.

And, while we're on the subject, please follow through on what you say you'll do. The road to destruction is paved with good intentions, and intent doesn't necessarily equal execution. If I mean to pay my light bill but forget to, does that keep my electricity on?

We'd all be better off if people would simply do their jobs, not hold others to standards that they're not willing to live up to, and always ask themselves if what they're doing is the right thing to do. The Golden Rule applies in most every situation.

For now, I vow to stop fighting the battles I cannot win, and to stop participating in problems that will never be solved. I promise to not let others steal my joy with their negative energy. I will control what I can control, and not waste energy on the things I can't. I give myself permission to say no to things that don't benefit me or my work. But I will never stop asking why. Because "that's the way we've always done it" isn't good enough.

Ok. Off my soapbox. Go back to work, people!

Shall we brunch?

While I don't love my job every second of every day, I'm one of the lucky few who loves her job the great majority of the time. I work with a lot of awesome people. I do something that matters. Or, at the very least, I do things to help others do things that matter. So my work is fun, it's rewarding, and on the occasional Thursday afternoon I get to sneak out and get a massage.

One of the major reasons my job rocks is because I have an awesome boss. Seriously. He doesn't read this, so I have no need to suck up. But he is encouraging, supportive, and the nicest man in America. Or any other country.

And since he's celebrating his 25th year on the job, we threw him a little brunch soiree this morning, complete with returning staff and a fun video shot and edited by yours truly. It was more of a roast than a serious tribute, but it was fun, and I think everyone enjoyed it. So all of my basket arranging, pastry making, movie editing skills were on full display. And now I'm tired.

Thankfully tomorrow is Friday. And I'm headed out of town again.

There's another 5K on Saturday, which I will sprint at my lightening 10-minute mile pace. Not that Lon will believe me.

In case you're interested, pics of today are here.

Little Susie Homemaker

I've been Martha friggin' Stewart tonight. I made these yummy (and easy) chocolate croissants and some iced sugar cookies. Plus I made a card basket and a treat basket. And in my spare time, finished a DVD.

All for a surprise party tomorrow. So excited! Should be a good time.

Rollie Pollie, walls are holey

I don't know why I bother taking vacation days. Not only do I not enjoy them because of the guilt of being away from the office, but I pay for it when I get back. When did I get a job that no one will do while I'm out? Oh, wait... that was ALWAYS. With a couple of exceptions.

When my mom passed away I was working in an office and was out for six weeks on FMLA, and it only took me about six minutes to get caught up when I returned. Now, I know God blessed me by putting me in a job where I was able to be out a month and a half with no guilt, but seriously, how important does that make one feel? Yeah, I was a vital cog in that wheel, let me tell you. When I quit, they didn't replace me. Shocking.

And when I took this job, I wanted a challenge. I wanted to feel needed. I wanted to be busy. Be careful what you wish for.

So I stayed late tonight to put out the big fires and saved the small ones for tomorrow.

And when I got home I christened my newly assembled treadmill with a very slow and painful 3.5 miles. I only burned 600 calories. So I'll have to stop eating or run three times a day.

But I seem to be developing more pronounced fat rolls. My muffin top seemed especially robust today. Granted, it could have been the excessive grease consumption this weekend, but geez.

I did make the decision to put my treadmill in my living room so that I'd actually use it. And yeah, you never see a house with exercise equipment near a sofa in "Architectural Digest," but since I live at the end of the Earth and I can actually count on seven fingers the number of people who've visited me in the past two years, I figure smaller thighs are worth bad decor.

So I lugged the treadmill through the hallway, around the chair, and knocked a hole in the wall. In my entry way. Lovely.

Oh well. It's not like anyone will see it. And I'll run my way through Kate Gosselin's torturous turn on "Dancing with the Stars." As Jen would say, it's like watching Granny dance. Only less amusing.

Overall, it was a productive day. I crossed a lot off the ol' to-do list. We hired a new staff member (hooray). I ran and tanned and did a load of laundry. And I even managed to find the time to buy new shoes and screw with LB. Figuratively, not literally.

And he totally started it.

Stay-cation

I'm lucky enough to have a job that affords me four weeks' vacation annually. The problem is that there's seldom a good time to take it, and I can't carry it over, so I've found myself losing days the past couple of years.

Yesterday--April 13, 2010--has been circled in red on my calendar for months. Because it was Bon Jovi. In Tulsa. On the 14th row. It's weird how you can look forward to something for months, and then when it finally happens, it's almost surreal. And I worried that it couldn't live up to my expectations, but it totally did. What a great night. What an amazing concert. The reason they've thrived as a band for so long is because they love what they do, they appreciate their fans, and whether they're in NYC or Tulsa, Oklahoma, they give 100% to the entire performance. Even though they've done "Livin' on a Prayer" about 9,000 times, it's like the first time they performed it every time. Sigh. It was such a great time.

So instead of taking two days off this week, I decided to schedule the entire week. But I've been working the whole time. And not just checking my emails, but going to meetings. Because I feel guilty for declining important meetings just so I can hang out in my pajamas.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to chill for a bit, but then I've just canceled my Friday vacation day since I have six meetings. So much for my relaxing stay-cation.

But I got to see Bon Jovi and spend time with some awesome friends. And I'm grateful to have a job I love, even if that means I can't let go.

I must write "get a life" on my to-do list.

Pics from Tulsa are here.

At least I have a Texas trip to look forward to next week. Oh, and Friday's blind date. My life is a constant whirlwind, and I LOVE IT!

Footloose and totally free

My good pal Krista scored some free-to-us tickets to see Kenny Loggins in Fayetteville last night. Before yesterday, only two of the 6,000+ songs on my iPod were Loggins tunes, and one of 'em was an obscure song from "One Fine Day." So I wouldn't call myself a super-fan, but I was excited about the concert anyway.

Turns out Kenny is a great show. Granted, I didn't enjoy myself as much as the drunk people all around us (free booze at the VIP reception), but I knew all but one song. And when he did "Footloose" during the encore, even the uptight blue-haired ladies in the audience sashayed and clapped along.

We also enjoyed a fabulous pre-show dinner at Bordino's in what was my first--but certainly not my last--visit to that great restaurant. Overall, it was an awesome night!

My apologies for neglecting the ol' blog lately. I've become so high maintenance that I don't have a lot of time to write. Between all the running and tanning and looking fantastic all the time, my pithy self-reflection and random observations have been suffering.

I am packing to head to Hot Springs in the morning for a student meeting, then it's on to Little Rock for more work stuff mixed in with dinner with Joe at Pei Wei and lunch with the Tullgren's on Friday. And then I have... praise Jesus... nine days off in a row! Ok, so I'm doing some random work in there, but I've scheduled a whole week off. Need to burn some time. Need to de-stress. Need to be still.

Broken odometer

I've always been blessed (cursed?) with wanderlust. I love to travel. I spend half of my time living out of a suitcase, and most days I'm okay with that.

But right now I'm really, really exhausted. I took a three-hour nap this afternoon and am already ready to go back to bed.

After my three days in Atlanta, I was in Hector on Saturday, Hartford on Sunday, jury duty yesterday, and Carlisle last night. I got home this afternoon in time for a couple of meetings on campus prior to my nap, and now I'm doing laundry and getting ready to unpack and repack my suitcase for tomorrow.

I have a luncheon in the Fort and then I'm headed back to NLR tomorrow afternoon for a Friday morning meeting and another jaunt to Carlisle Friday night for Taylor's state Elite 8 game.

So. Very. Tired. Thankfully I'm in Benton County all week next week. I hope.

This is how I currently feel.

The blessing and the challenge

Almost against my will, my boss drug me to a Christian college conference in Atlanta. I'm not particularly fond of the capital of Georgia (no offense, Amanda!) and I'm less fond of attending meetings I think won't benefit me, so I had a lousy attitude about being here. And when you add in the fact that I had to get up at 3 a.m. and change planes to arrive in time for a 3 p.m. meeting about research findings, I was one grumpy gus.

The Lord indeed works in mysterious ways.

I've been in a spiritual holding pattern lately. Oh, I know I'm going to heaven, but the spiritual growth part of Christianity always evades me. I want to be more like Christ, but I always find myself more like the Pharisees: full of judgement and short on grace. In other words, most of the time I totally miss the point.

As you can imagine, that's particularly challenging given my profession. I feel blessed to have what is, in essence, a ministry position. I know what I do impacts the Kingdom in a small way, and it's not a calling I take lightly most of the time.

Instead, I find myself bogged down in the mundane, making time for making spreadsheets and giving up quiet time for Bible study and prayer. And I know better. Just as I know chocolate temps me and going to the gym is necessary, I know that my journey toward becoming more like Christ will never be complete. Yes, salvation is finished. Supplication is not. But oh how I take my Lord for granted.

But thankfully he still seeks a relationship with me. And he still reaches out to me.

Tonight I found myself sitting in a room with 1,200 people who work at Christian colleges. And during that time the band Watermark led worship, singing one of my favorite songs, "Hosanna." After that we heard from Rich Stearns, president of Worldvision, who reminded us that Christians are called to be salt and light. And we are called to preach the Gospel to all nations, including those who are ravaged by poverty and disease and hunger.

2.5 billion people live on less than $2 a day. I have so many blessings in my life and I take so much for granted. Like medical care and food and shelter.

I am challenged to think of others. And I am blessed to be a child of God.

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You
- "Captivate Us" by Watermark

Blue Tuesday

Evidently I was about 24 hours late to commemorate the most depressing day of the year. I have no idea why I scheduled a 7:30 a.m. coffee meeting for today, but I woke up exhausted, even after a full night's rest.

I schlepped my way through the day, mindlessly answering e-mails and phone calls and trudging through my endless to-do list. Even my boss, during our afternoon meeting, commented that I appeared "tired and stressed" (which is code for "you look like crap"). Perhaps I should have put on more makeup today.

I did manage to get in a two-mile run after work, after which I was wringing wet with sweat and still wanting to kill someone.

If Tuesday was my Monday, does that mean tomorrow is my Tuesday? I hope not; today was not a day I care to repeat anytime soon.

Go away, bad mood. Must. Get. Sleep.

Snow, ice and arctic temps

In a week where the weather guys break in to report "really cold," it's been easy to huddle under the covers and avoid productivity. I've spent three days this week working from home, two of which I never took a shower and spent the day in my pajamas.

How do I make this a permanent gig? I'd save so much money on shampoo and cute clothes.

Tomorrow I will have to leave the house since I have multiple meetings on campus, but at least I don't have to drive very far, and my weekend plans consist of watching football and eating leftovers. I did receive an e-mail that my treadmill has shipped, so next week I have to get back into the swing of things with exercise and less gluttony, or stretchy pants will be all that will fit.

So I guess my year of taking chances starts next week. Right now I want to crawl back under the covers and watch Alabama continue to thrash Texas.

'Tis the Season

I'm not quite sure why, but this holiday has been the most stressful one of my life. Planning out of town trips every weekend since Halloween probably wasn't a smart move, especially when you consider that there are only so many shopping days before Christmas, and lack of sleep equals a very cranky Lori. My gift list keeps expanding with people I forgot I needed to buy for. My credit card balance keeps growing. And so does my waistline as workouts fall lower and lower on my priority list.

In my quest to become the consummate Renaissance woman, I decided this week to balance my work budget during the day and bake like Martha Stewart by night. I've slept ten hours during the past 72, spending the rest of the time catching up on work and working on cookies. And trust me, I'd rather stare at spreadsheets all day than cut and ice cookies.

This morning I delivered dozens and dozens of treats to folks at work (after icing them at 3 a.m.), then decided to stop at McDonald's for breakfast, where the lady behind me obviously didn't understand the double drive-thru concept of taking turns, and proceeded to honk her horn repeatedly before rolling down her window to yell at me. Merry Christmas to you too, lady.

It seems that I'm not the only one cranky this month. I've had line cutters at Williams Sonoma, cranky operators at XM, and lots and lots of traffic. It's enough to make you not appreciate the season, and the reason we celebrate.

Not just because of the birth of our Lord and Savior, which is of course the most important, but the time spent with family and friends. So what if I don't have time to pack... I get to spend two whole weeks with people I seldom see, doing things I want to do, and not going any meetings. Sleeping in and eating and making small talk. Getting on each others' nerves.

This morning on TV they were discussing the end of the decade, and it occurred to me for the first time that, in a mere two weeks, we'll be ushering in the '10s.

So I started thinking about all that's happened in my life in the past 10 years and, instead of focusing on the tremendous loss we've had in our family, I started feeling grateful for all of the love.

Every year I make resolutions I don't keep. But on this New Year's Day, I commit to stop living my life in pursuit of the ideal, and start enjoying the interim. Because life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. It's the little things like obsessing over boys with your girlfriends whether you're 13 or 33. Snuggling with the kids in your life. Waiting for Santa. The cool people you meet that you may never see again.

And yeah, we'll all have broken hearts and credit card bills and love and loss, but that's the amazingly wonderful thing about living.

Even when you have jury duty and presents to buy and people to see.

Christmas countdown

I think I need a vacation to recover from my vacation. Luckily I only have 14 more days of work before 9 days off in a row. I can't wait!

In the meantime, I have KISS in Austin this weekend, a party in Mountain Home the weekend after that, graduation, and multiple holiday gatherings. Let's hope I get through it all without a major crash. Today I had to take a 90 minute nap during my extended lunchtime. But I did manage to finish cleaning and decorating my office and am nearly done decking the halls and organizing the garage.

Today I found this pic of Alisa and me in Branson a couple of weeks ago. We had so much fun!

Coming clean

I've got a serious case of apathy these days. I don't know why, but I'm not motivated to finish any project. And while that's bad at home, it's horrible at work.

Since my treadmill bit the dust, I got up early to do yoga and run outside. In the freezing drizzle. I think I have frostbite on my cheeks. Thankfully I had a massage this morning, so not only did I get warm, I got really relaxed. I did manage to stay awake through multiple meetings, but I feel like I accomplished nothing today.

Tonight I started cleaning out my home office. I got about halfway finished before I gave up and quit.

Some much to do. So little motivation.

Three more days of work before nine days of vacation. Hooray!

Oh, and I registered for the big Siloam Turkey Trot 5K at 8 am this Saturday. Yeah, I'm not ready, but I figure there won't be many people around to witness my humiliation. I have no idea what possessed me to do that. But I've got four of the seven pounds off I wanted to lose before next week.

Everything's bigger in... well, you know

What a great weekend! Memaw and I got to Temple around 8 on Thursday night, and I arrived back in Siloam just after 6 last night. In four days we attended two parties, had one of our own, walked a 5K, attended a flag football game, witnessed a dance-off and multiple kid fits.

It's weird how, the closer you get to home, the more work and the daily grind begin to creep back into your life. Thankfully I get to go back to Texas in three weeks for Thanksgiving, and before that I go to Boston, an 80s prom, and have a Branson shopping trip with Alisa.

For now, please enjoy another entry in the Brady and Mini-Me dance-a-thon. And all the pics from this weekend are here, in case you don't have Facebook.



(This makes three family members dancing to this song. Memaw, you and Lon are next!)

Great day!

The weather was cold and yucky today, but I had a totally great Monday. Today, I did one of the coolest things I've ever done at work... I got to admit my brother, who's going back to school. How awesome is that?