You can stand under my umbrella

"I'll have what she's having."
~When Harry Met Sally

Tonight's a late night at the office, and I find myself pretty grateful that I don't have to rush home and cook dinner or do laundry for a husband. I mean yeah, it would be nice for someone to give a crap how my day has been, but generally speaking, I have girlfriends for that (see yesterday's post).

Suffice it to say that it's not often I yearn for coupledom. There are only two certainties in life--death and taxes--and both of those would be easier as a Mrs. The latter for obvious reasons, and the former due to the apprehension I feel about having no one to care for me in my old age and inevitable loony bin intake.

So I'm happily single. Footloose and fancy free to work late and eat a power bar for dinner.

But as I gaze out my office window, I see my coworker Carol's husband, Larry, pulling up in front of the office in the torrential rain. He gets out of the vehicle, pops a golf umbrella emblazoned with the Missouri Tigers logo (her favorite team) and walks to the front door to escort her to the car so she won't get wet.

At that moment I realize that's what love is. It's not about the fancy gifts or tax breaks. It's about anticipating someone else's needs, and taking care of it before they even have to ask. It's about holding an umbrella. Ella, ella, ella.

Guess I'll just be getting wet.

Melancholy Folly

Just in case you've forgotten my recent rants, I am not a fan of February 14. There's just something about the big love day that makes me feel like a big loser. The red roses mock me. The singing cards ring a chorus of my rampant singleness.

If love is indeed all around, how come none of it has gotten on me?

Oh well. Believe it or not, I managed to make it through another V-Day without suicidal thoughts.

Two years ago, I was driving through Little Rock on February 14 after having dinner with Lon, Jen and the boys at Mi Burrito, feeling quite sorry for myself, and I got the strongest sense that God was telling me 2008 was my last Valentine's Day alone. I interpreted that epiphany to mean that I'd be meeting Mr. Right before 2/14/09, which obviously didn't happen. Nor has it happened by 2/14/10.

Amazingly, I'm okay with that. So I don't have a Valentine and I'm still paying taxes at a single rate. I don't feel alone. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. I have eternal salvation. I love my job and have great fashion sense (if I do say so myself).

And that's enough for now. So here's hoping if you're going to bed alone like me or with someone else, you're content with where you are and who you are. Because, after all, that's the secret of life. It's not in having what you want, but wanting what you have.

The thin line between love and irate

Someone once told me that the opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. I think that's probably true. Because when you hate someone, they hold power over you.

Hate means you care enough to think about them by wishing them ill. Indifference means you don't care at all.

Let's face it... when you run into an ex, short of having him tell you how skinny you've become and how wrong he was to let you go, the second best scenario involves him still being hurt and mad. Because the third alternative is that he doesn't remember dating you at all or, even worse, acknowledges how very little you meant to him.

Today I saw/talked to LB for the first time in three weeks, the longest we've gone since meeting. I've dreaded today for almost the whole three weeks. Would I be sad? Still mad?

Turns out I'm kinda over it. I know it sounds hard to believe but somehow, without the benefit of my love-colored glasses, I realized that he's not so great.

So I was nice. Even friendly. But when he asked if I'd be joining them tonight per usual, I said dispassionately, "Nah. I have plans later." And the petty, vicious gal in me took great pleasure in it.

Perhaps I'm not indifferent, but at least he thinks I am. Touche.

Happy V-Day!

Rather than boycott Valentine's Day, I've decided to revel in my singleness. Granted, I'm not "in love," but there's so much love in my life that it overwhelms me sometimes. So here's to all of you, the ones who I don't tell often enough how very much you mean to me....

I love TAYLOR, CHANCE and HOPE... I've never borne children, but these three are amazing, fabulous, beautiful kids. Taylor's all grown up but still thinks I'm cool enough to text, even when he's on a date. Chance still gives hugs willingly. And Hope is the most precocious child I've ever known. But they all make me smile, make me proud, and make my heart burst with love.

I love BRAD... there are a lot of years between us, and it took us awhile to become friends, but I admire him so much. And I'm proud of him.

I love my DAD... even when he sends a numeric page and leaves a message, or uses IM like e-mail, he's one of a kind. We've had our rough patches, but he can be awesome. And he makes good candy. Plus, I've found out my stepmom can be pretty cool herself.

I love my GRANDMOTHERS... for teaching me about unconditional love, unselfishness, and putting others above yourself. They are class personified, even when they carry yellow purses and wear matching shoes, or have a closet full of bedazzled gear.

I love MEMAW KAT... for worrying about me when I am sick, sending me cookies that Lonnie never delivers, and for teaching me how to boogie to KC and the Sunshine Band. Memaw and PEEP have been like second parents to me.

I love ESTELLA and CHRIS... Estella is warm, gracious, and everyone wants to be around her. Chris makes sure everything works, from my knives to my tires. A visit to their house is like coming home.

I love JOE... because, even when his OCD kicks in and he's tightly scheduling our vacation, he's one of the most loyal, supportive, and loving people I've ever known. I could break down in California, and he'd come and get me. Oh, he'd say, "I told you so," but he'd do it.

I love ALISA and SCOTT... for seeing me at my very worst and still letting me hang out with the cool kids. Our conversations have changed from drummer boys to little boys, but their friendship has always been constant. Even when I didn't deserve it.

I love ASHLEY... for listening to my rants about work, for thinking more highly of me than I do of myself, and for being the most talented person I know. I kinda like LARRY sometimes. And I'm already in love with EMMA and PARKER.

I love SORNE and VANCE... Sorne, because even when it's been too long between visits, we can always pick right back up where we left off. She's loyal, smart, and always fabulously dressed. And Vance grew on me. Now he makes me laugh like no one else can.

I love BRENT and DAVE... who else could appreciate a $70 steak, talk about football and pageants at the same time, and know the lyrics to every good song from the 80s? They make me smile and make me appreciate life.

I love JEN and SHANNON... I have two male cousins who are near my age that I've always been close to, and they both married up. I'm so glad that both of these amazing women are now my friends, not simply cousins-in-law. Because each of them accomplish more each day than I've ever done in my life. They've faced amazing obstacles (and not just their husbands) and come out as strong, smart, Godly women. And I do love LONNIE and SCOTT, too. But shhh... don't tell them... they might think I've grown soft in my old age.

I love DeWOOD... for looking out for me, believing in me, and making me want to live a better life.

I love NANNER... because, even though she's 15 years younger than me, she thinks I'm cool enough to hang out with on a Friday night. And we have the same (good) taste in music, movies, television, and books.

I love all the great kids in my life who shower me with hugs and kisses, even when they don't want to, and who I can return to their parents... BRADY, AVERY, PEYTON, GREY, MASON, and ISAAC. All boys... go figure.

And I love all of those who've gone Home before me... MOM, PAIGE, and both my GRANDFATHERS. How very lucky I am to have known you; how very forward I look to seeing you in heaven.

If I've left you off the list it's because I forgot, I didn't think you'd read my blog, or I don't love you. Take your pick.

Keith Craft, one of the speakers at yesterday's conference, said that, in order to be successful, you must align yourself with the right people. People who believe in you, people who challenge you, and people who share your values. Who are your people? These folks are mine. Love you all!

xoxo,
Lori