Praise

Today, I'm praying for strength to lift up my arms in praise. He's always been faithful. He is worthy.

Things to do before I'm 40

Yesterday, while laying in bed like a slug all afternoon, I caught the Lifetime movie, "10 Things to do Before I'm 30." Premise is that a young woman (let's face it, 29 is very young) loses her job, breaks up with her boyfriend, goes to her mom's to find herself, and discovers a magic list in her hope chest of all the things she wanted to do before she turned 30. Spoiler alert... she did all of them, had an adventure, and married Mr. Right.

I know what you're thinking... yeah, but that's a stupid movie. A stupid Lifetime movie. Those things are always predictable, right? And life seldom turns out that way.

I work with a woman who is approaching a milestone birthday soon. Early last fall she was single with no prospects. Online dating. Sitting at home on Saturday night just like me. She told all of us she'd be married before this birthday and pregnant soon after.

Now I believe in the power of prayer more than most. And I know God says we have not because we ask not, but I seriously had my doubts about that timetable. But guess what? She's married. She's pregnant. List complete.

Confession time... while I profess to be happily single and obviously I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship (sorry, Dr. Love), I do pray every night that God will either send along my husband or take away my desire to have one. And one thing I discovered from the aforementioned blind date with Grandpa was that even if I'm okay with marrying older, I'm not ready to give up on motherhood. I know. You're all shocked.

Seriously, if God intends for me to remain barren, I'm okay with it. It's not like I'm visiting sperm banks or lowering my dating standards because my biological clock has so very few ticks left, but let's just say I'm not ready to shut that door.

Epiphany, party of one.

I don't know if it's all the self-awareness of late, but this past birthday was a tough one for me. For the first time, I feel really old. You know how you have all of those things that you think you'll do "someday?" Well someday has occured and those things just haven't happened. Oh, I know Geena Davis had twins at the ripe old age of 46, but let's face it, most of us can't or don't want to rear that old. Who wants the senior citizen and the kids discount at the same time? What if I break a hip during childbirth? Can you breastfeed if your boobs are at your knees?

Ok. In the spirit of positive thinking, I've decided to make myself a list of things to do in the next three years. And you, the four people or so who read this, are in charge of holding me accountable.

10 things to do before I'm 40:
1. Wear a bikini in public (this requires more weight loss and excessive exercise)
2. Visit NYC
3. Decide what I want to be when I grow up
4. Get out of debt completely (save mortgage and car)
5. Take a European vacation
6. Set a good example for the children in my life, even if they're not mine
7. Get a life, and stop working all the time
8. Live fearlessly and with spontaneity
9. Be open to the possibility that Mr. Right may be packaged in a way I don't expect
10. Spend more time with God, my family, and my friends

That's it. From my fingers to God's ears!

And on and on it goes

So I was wrong. No answered prayer. Just more questions. Ah, the obsessive question asking...

You know, when I posted that I expected an answer to prayer, I was totally confident that it was going to happen. I mean, it can't just be a coincidence that while I was praying said prayer for clarity and closure that the phone rang. And it was totally him (LB, not God). Asking if I'd meet him in the morning. Wanting us to ride together to our event. YES! How cool is it that I got sidetracked mid-prayer to get my answer? I'm totally going to get an answer, right?

Um, wrong. And I totally had my hopes up all day. Especially when he told a friend of ours in front of me that he may have already met "the one" and just didn't realize it yet. Then, when he outlined what he looks for in a woman--someone who's smart, who's a nice person, and who HAS DARK HAIR--I thought surely it was a sign. Phone call to the brunette = true love, right?

Friend went on to tell him that he was a total catch and that any woman would be lucky to have him. He turned to me, asking me what I thought. I responded in my sweet way, "I think you suck."

Not joking. I totally said that. But at least he knew I was kidding.

And now, ten texts or so later, the story goes on. No clarity. No closure. End of patience.

I know what you're thinking... it's time for a tough conversation. You're right. It totally is.

This smart, nice, brown-haired girl is going to come clean. Eventually.

Answered prayer

An amazing thing happened today.

As many of you know, my mom's sister, my Aunt Kathy, was diagnosed with multiple myeloma a few weeks ago after a visit to Mayo Clinic. The doctor who called her with the news gave her a grim prognosis. We were all devastated.

Many, many prayers were said. Last week she went to UAMS, one of the nation's leading hospitals in the treatment of the disease, for testing.

This afternoon she met with the doctor to talk about treatment and found out she doesn't have cancer after all. They're not quite sure what happened with the initial diagnosis. I choose to believe that one of the nation's most prominent hospitals wasn't that far off, God just had bigger plans for her. He answered our prayers in the most absolute of ways.

Yes, sometimes His answer is no, but sometimes it's a resounding yes.

As my nephew Taylor so eloquently put it when I texted him, "Go Jesus." Indeed.