My year of living fabulously

Pointy-toed boots and statement necklace (as seen in "In Style")

It's day 11 of the new year and I finally got off my tush and into the gym. I don't know if it's due to Shannon's confirmation of my 20-year reunion or the fact that I finally had to don pants with a zipper this morning, but today was designated as the first day of my "new year, new me" campaign.

Go away, 14 pounds. I shall be wearing sleeveless by summer.

Tomorrow I begin my novice 5K training (shut up, Lonnie). Last night I threw away the hot dogs, oreos and doritos.

So I'm on my way home from a meeting on campus and I stop by the financial aid office to chit chat with my friend Burney, who's also on a weight loss quest. Here's the conversation:

ME: I've only had two diet cokes today. I actually drank 133 ounces of water today. I read recently that you should take your weight and half it, and that's how many ounces of water you should drink a day.
BURNEY: You weigh 266 pounds?!?

Not quite. But I'm determined not to get there. Go away, muffin top. Say goodbye, cottage cheese thighs. 2010 is my year to be fabulous!

I mean, more than I already am.

Here I go, girl

I've never been called dainty. I was the tallest person in my class--male or female--until junior high. While the rest of my classmates were still shopping in the kids' section, I was buying bras and old lady shoes. And yes, I did pageants for six years, which means that there was a time in my life when I willingly paraded around wearing a swimsuit in public, but it's not ever been something I'm comfortable with. I've always been the big girl.

As I've gotten older, my aversion to swimsuits hasn't changed. If anything, it's just gotten more pronounced. Thankfully there are few occasions that call for bikinis these days and I managed to avoid wearing a swimsuit at all for several years.

Something one can't avoid? Blue jeans. After all, they're America's casual wear. And when you're overweight, they're one of the hardest articles of clothing to buy. At my largest, I remember standing in front of the mirror at Gap, trying to find a pair that looked the least horrible on my fat thighs and covered my muffin top completely. It was painful, excruciating even, to try on that unforgiving denim. Bring on the yoga pants!

So it's not a coincidence that, 14 months ago, when I started this diet journey, I promised myself that getting to my goal size would be rewarded with a really great pair of blue jeans.

Yesterday was that day. After giving up on the Hogs' Oxford debacle, I traveled to Tulsa and entered the premium denim section of Saks. And while I'm still not ready for skinny jeans, I did purchase a really expensive pair of jeans that make me feel fabulous and help me celebrate the achievement of my goal. They're FOUR SIZES smaller than the jeans I bought just over a year ago. And yeah, they were an extravagant purchase, but every time I wear them, I'll think about all the hours and hours of sweat on the treadmill. The hundreds of yoga poses and thousands of gallons of water. All of the times I really wanted a cheeseburger but ate the salad instead.

I'll be showing off my fabulous butt in my new jeans this Friday evening on my date with Jen. :) Until then, it's lettuce and water.

Snug as a slug

It's been a whole week since I've done any sort of physical activity. Granted, a year ago that wouldn't have seemed so strange. But given what a freak I've been about exercise in the past few months, that's unheard of. I refuse to gain back the weight I've lost.

Yesterday I called in sick and slept all day (actually, I emailed in sick... does anyone call in sick anymore?). I'm not sure if I was warding off a sinus infection or just paying for too many nights of not enough sleep, but after two doses of Nyquil and seven hours of napping, I feel as good as new. I was also able to clean off hours of stuff from my DVR, so when the new television season starts, I should be good to go. It's strange how much pressure I feel when that thing begins to fill up and I see "about a day" left on some of the shows I record.

Tonight I brutally cleaned out my closet and got rid of anything I can no longer wear. It always pains me to give up pricey clothes, but I realized last week that having things altered is nearly as expensive as buying new stuff. So now I have two trash bags full of clothes that I'm sending to some friends who have a non-profit organization for young women. At least I feel like my seldom-worn clothes are going to good use. I'm purging them lest I feel the need to gain back into them. Of course, if I continue to lay around like a slug and not exercise, my new clothes may get too tight.

This is all the stuff I took out of my closet.



I've already bought my first pair of boots this season. And football is on TV. Fall can officially begin!

Just one of those days

Do any of you ever come home from work, exhausted, and yet wonder what you did all day? That was my day today. Nothing crossed off the ol' to-do list. Stuff added to the list, but nothing accomplished rather than meetings, meetings, meetings. And today was my extra special work-from-home day. How did that happen?

Granted, part of my tasks today included getting a pedicure and tanning, but still.. I did work stuff, too. I suppose I was getting too used to accomplishing things, so I needed to meet with some people to add to my list.

As part of my new look fabulous everyday campaign lest I run into anyone I need to impress, I have now started keeping my outfits in an Excel spreadsheet so that I don't repeat anything too often. Yeah, I'm so out of control, but when I changed offices, the chances of my running into someone and needing to look good increased exponentially. This morning I had to make friends with the tailor at my dry cleaners' (another personal errand... oops!) because none of my work clothes fit. Oh, I know... boo hoo. But this weight loss is getting expensive. And my belly fat remains, no matter how many crunches I do.

On a happier note, happy 37th anniversary to Memaw and Peep! Hope you enjoyed your anniversary cereal. Here's to 37th more years of wedded bliss!

Cleansing

Well the diet cleanse continues. I've logged more bathroom time this week than in the past month. But thank goodness for the SmartWater... I'm down eight pounds in three days! You know what that tells me? (a) it's mostly water weight; and (b) I've been eating some really bad stuff.

I've decided to break up with carbs for awhile, and it's been tough. Granted, it's not a complete break, but the girl who ate five bagels on Sunday is now piling on the protein and downing the fresh fruits and veggies. And tons of water.

Tomorrow's my last day of work before a three-day weekend, so I'm ready to get it over with and head to Tulsa. The good news? I had to trade in my dress for the wedding for a smaller size. Still a big size, but two sizes smaller than last summer. Woo-hoo! I may not be in a bikini by August, but at least I'm ready to start showing off my arms. Just bought a LBD for the big birthday party.

My loss

I have to admit, I've gotten a bit obsessive about working out. I'm far from loving the actual act of exercise, but I love what it's doing to my body. Last week I uncovered my ab muscles. Not since Columbus has a discovery been so surprising and yet major. So that's what was under all the fat for all those years...

Last summer I had all but given up on looking good. Yeah, I still paid $25 for a hair cut, but I didn't care if I had a tan since covering up my fat was a full-time job. I couldn't walk a flight of stairs without getting winded and my jeans gave me gas, but I had just passed my 35th birthday and found that Oreos taste great and exercise sucks.

Then I met the boy, and I was so mad at myself for having poor self-esteem because of the way that I looked. So I took the clothes off the treadmill and started to walk. And now, seven months later, I'm 30 pounds lighter and two sizes smaller. Not to mention more confident. It's sad that it took a man to motivate me, but even if that boy never becomes my manfriend, he got me off my butt and taking better care of myself. I feel better. I look better (heck, even the girls are noticing!). And I'll probably live longer.

I heard last weekend that NutriSystems paid Larry the Cable Guy a million bucks to lose 50 pounds. Where do I sign up? Git-r-done indeed.

The Tuesday vows

And no, I don't mean marriage vows. Hell hath not frozen over yet.

I vow to continue to go to yoga, even though it makes me feel like an uncoordinated elephant and makes me sweat profusely which does weird things to my hair.

I vow to stop eating fast food for lunch every day while wondering how my butt got so big.

I vow to stop feeling guilty for canceling my Weight Watchers online membership. No more counting points. (To be fair, I haven't counted 'em in months.)

I vow to clean out my closet and get rid of anything I haven't worn in six months, giving it to those who have less clothes (i.e., 99.9% of the world's population).

I vow to stop talking about LB like he's my imaginary boyfriend. He is my friend. Just like he's told me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Sorry, no more LB posts.

I vow to start making my morning quiet time a priority instead of forgetting about it until halfway through the day.

I vow to stop getting my feelings hurt when friends tell me someone sent me candy last Friday because he felt sorry for me because I was alone on Valentine's Day.

Will work for fillings

I was at the office until about an hour ago, but before you feel sorry for me, I have to admit that I was out for four hours today, two hours at the dentist and two more having my hair cut and colored. Yes, I am a diva.

When I was a kid, I used to take Oreos to bed with me and eat them throughout the night. No wonder my thighs are big and I had so many cavities! What were my parents thinking?!? And, because I grew up so many, many years ago, my fillings are silver. And ugly. So I've been planning for years to replace my silver fillings with white ones. Hence the dentist appointment.

Turns out I need three crowns plus six new fillings, and that doesn't even count the silver in my bottom teeth. This Friday I'll begin the first of three rounds of novacaine. First installment? 400 bucks. Yowza.

The good news is that, in the past four months, I've lost 20 pounds. Yay me! My pants are falling off and I need to buy some new ones. Perhaps I'll see if the Boy Scouts need the old ones to use for tents.

Manic Monday

Not much to report this evening. I spent this morning in chapel with the freshmen, then supervising a group at the Day of Caring at a local assisted living center. It's amazing how picky old people can be about free labor.

This afternoon I had an amazing massage, a doctor's appointment, and spent a couple of hours working at home.

I'm on a diet again (I weigh more than an 18 wheeler), so I've been making friends with Weight Watchers frozen dinners and the treadmill. Ugh.

But the good news is that in a mere 72 hours, I'll be hanging with Lon, Jen, Huey, Dewie and Louie in the Lone Star State.

Told ya I was boring.

Thursday update

Those of you who were worried about me (Dad, Kelly) will be glad to know that I ate real food today. I had fruit for breakfast, but salmon and bread for lunch (yum) and an Arby's roast beef sandwich for dinner. But still no Diet Coke. Hooray! And the detox resulted in an 8-pound weight loss overall. Not too shabby.

I left my house at 7:30 a.m. and drove to Little Rock for lunch and three job interviews, then I drove back home. And now I'm tired. The bone-weary kind of tired. Poor Lola got a $53 fill-up and 420 miles on her today.

Tomorrow's another vacay day, although I do have to do a lunch interview and have a meeting with my boss. But other than that, no work. Really. Well, probably. And then Kelly and I are off to T-town to meet Sorne and Amanda. I am so excited! I'm really craving Cheesecake Factory, so that's my dinner vote. And then it's the premiere of SATC at 10:30. I hope I'm still awake by then. I'll probably have to take a disco nap tomorrow afternoon.

Grass is always greener

It starts at a very young age. We want whatever toy someone else has. The grass is always greener, her boyfriend's always cuter, her handbag more desirable. Psychologists know it; that's the reason for reverse psychology. The easiest way to get most of us to want something is to tell us we can't have it. Then it's all we think about.

The weird thing about this whole detox process is that I'm not craving the food I expected. When I open the freezer, I don't want the Heath bar ice cream, I want the grilled salmon. When I go to the pantry, the chips don't even look good, but boy, that jar of peanut butter makes me salivate. I guess it's true that our bodies really know what we need. And sometimes, when we stop long enough to listen, what we really want is stuff that's good for us.

After my brisk two-mile stroll and a dinner of strawberries and grapes, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow I get regular food. But no caffeine. That's one change I hope to continue.

Progress!

While I hate to brag too soon, I'm happy to report that yesterday's little detox experiment resulted in a five-pound weight loss. In 24 hours. Yeah, I know I can't sustain it forever and that my head hurt so bad I had to go to bed at 9 p.m., but I did have a ton of more energy last night and I've been able to concentrate more this morning on my writing project.

I'm not counting my chickens, but it's a great start!

Depression: A diet diary

So it's been 24 hours since I had a Diet Coke and I managed to live. More importantly, so did everyone else. I do have a slight headache, but all in all, it hasn't been too bad today. I'm sure tomorrow will be a nightmare.

Here's what I've consumed today:

7 a.m. 1 bottle of water
8 a.m. 1 bottle of orange juice
9 a.m. 1 bottle of water
10 a.m. 1 apple, 1 banana
12 p.m. 1 cup of tomatoes, 1 bottle of water
1:30 p.m. 1/2 cup of tomatoes, 1 bottle of water
2 p.m. 1 bottle of water (at the coffee place... I am strong)
5 p.m. 1 bottle of water (after walk on treadmill)
6 p.m. 1 cup of tomatoes, 1 cup of carrots, 1 orange, 1 cup of grapes, 1 bottle of water

Now I need to go to bed because I'm about to gnaw my arm off. I'm craving tuna out of the can... help! And I really have to go to the bathroom.

No caffeine, no meat, no dairy, no carbs!

Food detox

Desperate times call for desperate measures. So, in keeping with my belief that anything worth doing is worth overdoing, I'm offically on a food detox.

I had my last Diet Coke at 8 p.m. last night., my last meal at 6 p.m., and my last Oreo just after that. I'm so tired of feeling sluggish and stressed and using food for comfort.

For three days I'm drinking nothing but water and fruit juice. I'm eating only raw fruits and vegetables.

Please pray for me and, more importantly, anyone who has to be around me during this trying time. But I shall persevere and no longer be a slave to food. Even if I have a headache and can't stop thinking about cheeseburgers.

Big time

Those of you who are faithful readers of the Drivel will recall last summer, when I came home from San Francisco, I made a vow to lose some weight. So I joined Weight Watchers, lost 20 pounds, and began to work out faithfully. I had every intention of losing 20 more and running in a 5K this spring. I was on the right path until I started the moving process and began to reverse the progress.

I'm not quite sure how it happened. Three pounds here, four pounds there, but suddenly I find myself as fat as I was last summer in CA. I've been in denial. I haven't stepped on a scale in months, but my clothes are suddenly too tight.

Soon after I moved to Siloam I bought a treadmill. At that point it was too cold to walk outside, so I bought the treadmill in good faith, sure that I would use it daily. It took me six weeks to put the thing together. Last week I plugged it in for the first time. This weekend I turned it on. Yesterday I actually walked on it.

I can't figure out why I'm not more motivated. There are stories in every magazine about people who are losing weight, working out, and feeling great. Real people, not just celebrities, who lost weight with willpower and determination instead of plastic surgery.

I've eaten an entire package of Oreos in two days.

So now I've started reading "What the Bible Says About Healthy Living." Perhaps I'll find some spiritual guidance to help me on my quest to actually wear shorts this summer, never mind a bathing suit. I need divine intervention.

This afternoon I rearranged some furniture in order to move the treadmill into my bedroom. I'm hoping that staring at it daily will shame me into getting on the thing. It will probably become a clothes rack. But at least I have to look at it now, instead of just closing the door to that extra room.

Ugh. Why does food taste so good? Why is it so much easier to eat junk than to eat healthy? Why am I obsessed with eating?

Unlucky #7

Seven is no longer considered a lucky number for me. Not when the scales moved up seven pounds in five days. How much Halloween candy could I have possibly eaten?

Since it's such a beautiful day, I packed my tennis shoes and walked around the Center of Learning at lunch. I don't think I walked off seven pounds, but I did see some interesting characters.

I'm stopping by to see Huey, Dewie and Louie's Halloween garb before heading to Little Rock, so I'll be posting some pics later. And hopefully Taylor will remember to send me pics of his bro and sis as well.

I'm already tasting the lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang's... yum!