The Boston Garden

Quite coincidentally, one of my leadership classmates from Siloam was in Beantown on business this week, so we met for fish and chips at a Boston pub. We watched part of the Celtics game, then walked by the Garden, and that made me kind of sad, because my dad was a huge Celtics fan, but never got to see them play in person.

One thing I've discovered in loss is that it's not the moments you expect to be sad that get you, like Christmases and birthdays, but it's the days like the random Wednesday you happen to be 1,400 miles away from home and walk by Larry Bird's bronzed shoes when the sadness comes.

I really wish my dad had been with me tonight, to watch the fans stream out of the Garden after the victory, to eat a canoli in the North End, and to experience beautiful Boston.

Overwhelmed

There are so many things I could say right now, but I find myself at a loss. I am utterly and totally overwhelmed. I made it through the past few days without crying a tear, and I'm not sure if that makes me really strong, or really in denial.

My natural inclination to be task-oriented somehow gets me through the hard times. It's easier just to check things off the list and get through what has to be done than to sit around and ask questions or wonder why.

My family has experienced so much loss these past few years. I'm sad, but also feeling very blessed right now. There are moments that I feel so completely alone. But then I get a call or a text or a message from a friend and I realize that I am so very lucky to be surrounded by great people.

My dad was far from perfect, but it was gratifying yesterday to see how many people came out in the rain to pay tribute to him. The funeral director told us it was the biggest turnout he'd ever seen.

Thankfully work has been very supportive, so I have a few more days to catch up on sleep, feel sorry for myself, and finally start to grieve. I'm afraid if I start crying I won't be able to stop. And I know from losing my mom that grief isn't something that comes in waves and then subsides. It's the little things that remind us of those we lost. Yes, time does help, but it never goes away.

Just a few steps from where my dad was buried are Paige, Mom, and my grandfather. So much loss for one family, but so much love, too. I feel blessed to have had all of those people in my life, if only for awhile.

Thanks for all of your prayers. It means more than you can imagine.

Our last Father's Day

A few weeks ago the awesome Shannon took some family photos for us. They're priceless.









I've been awake for over 21 hours, so I'm fading quickly. At this point we only know the service is Tuesday, but not sure what time. Details as I know them.

Thanks for the prayers!

Rest of the pics are here.

Signed, sealed, delivered... I am so NOT yours

"How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?"
~Angela Martin, "The Office"

For once, I identify with the tightly wound Angela. I mean, I've never sent a notarized letter, but I'm near needing some sort of restraining order. How many texts do I ignore before he gets the message? Seriously, if you want to get on my good side, don't text me at 7 a.m. on a Sunday. I am not awake. It does not endear you to me in any way.

Today was the first Monday I've worked in over a month, and this marks the first full week in nearly six. Plus five trips to Rogers. But I got a lot done today. I love my new office. I was turning into one of those bosses... the ones who are out of touch and don't know what people do on a daily basis. Our admin is on vacation this week and today was eye-opening. I mean, I knew she was all kinds of awesome, but I had no idea all of the junk that she deals with so I don't have to. I am humbled. I don't want to answer the phone anymore. No, I don't know where your class is. Where's my diet coke?

I also realized today how not good it is that I'm within walking distance of Target and the mall. It's super convenient to run errands at lunch, but not good for the ol' checkbook.

Dad and V came up after work to treat me to a belated birthday dinner, then I introduced V to my beloved Promenade. I'm sure my Dad is not pleased.

I was uber lazy this weekend, but I did get to see the Texas fam on the 4th, and I'm hoping Jen updates her blog soon with the story about burying the 60 lb. dog in a plastic box full of ice and leaving him in the kitchen overnight. On her birthday. Please, please forgive me for laughing, but that makes my own birthday experience seem less painful. Sure, no one came to my party, but at least nothing died. Except perhaps my dignity.

Tomorrow's another busy day, then it's off to Tulsa for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Nanner's birthday. I walked four miles tonight in preparation.

And Christy, in case you're reading this, I promise to update the other blog soon. I'm praying for guidance!

Oh, and is anyone else sick of hearing about Michael Jackson? Over the weekend, Steve McNair was murdered, there is a serial killer loose in South Carolina, Roger Federer made tennis history, Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska, and our President is decreasing our nuclear capacity, yet Michael Jackson was the subject of the first ten stories on GMA this morning. People, let's get some perspective! He was talented, yet a freak. Let's not canonize him anytime soon.

Dad update

Quick update: Dad came home today. Still no answers about what caused the blackout, so he has some follow-up appointments soon.

Thanks for your prayers and your concern!

Prayer request

My father has requested that I NOT post this, but hopefully he'll forgive the breach of confidence. I'm asking that you please keep him in your prayers. He had a little episode this weekend in which he blacked out and wrecked his truck. He's been in the hospital for two days having tests. The good news is that, so far, they can't find anything wrong with him. The bad news is that they can't figure out what made him short of breath and pass out.

We all covet your prayers.

More postcards (really... this is the last time)

To the dating gods...
What could I have possibly done to you? I realize I'm nuerotic and taller than the Statue of Liberty, but surely there's a nice, normal man out there for me. In the meantime, I will remain happily single rather than deal with dating. I hate, hate, HATE it. Perhaps I should have surgery and change my name to Chaz, babe.
Send me a normal man or suffer the consequences.
Lori
-----------------------------
Doctor man,
I really want to like you. You are so very sweet and take me to nice restaurants. Your compliments make me feel good. But the texting at 6:30 a.m. to tell me to have a nice day is a bit much. And the texting three hours later because I didn't respond and you're worried is just annoying. I have a job. I need some space. I can't breathe.
Lori
------------------------------
Lawyer boy,
Props for finally growing a pair and calling, but how clueless are you that you really thought I was having dinner with you tonight? Seriously? And thanks for the opportunity for me to enlighten you as to the extent of my rage and disappointment. As for the apology? Too little, too late, bucko. Go find yourself another friend. I really meant it when I said you need to leave me alone. A year ago I didn't know who you were and I was happy then.
Have a nice life,
Lori
------------------------------
Dad,
You said I'd be talking to LB again by Wednesday, but you were wrong. You lose the bet. I'm serious this time.
Your daughter

Postcards from the edge

What's up, Doc?
Thanks for the 47 text messages today. It was great getting to know you better... You are a witty conversationalist. I thought coffee tonight was a great idea. Thanks for asking. And thanks for not answering my texts and phone calls when I got back into town. Was there some sort of nuclear disaster I didn't know about? I'm sure there's a good explanation and I look forward to hearing it along with your apology. You can send the flowers to my office.
Best,
Lori
-------------------
Dear LB,
It's been 72 hours and I'm still mad at you. The least you could do is try to call so that I could have the satisfaction of ignoring you. Or, better yet, text me. I've got my reply all written already. It ends with, "I'm so disappointed in you." Guess all your crying last month and telling me I'm one of the most important people in your life took a backseat to a date with a chick you barely know. It's my birthday this week, you creep, and if you want me to forgive you in this lifetime, there'd better be an apology. You said you couldn't live without me, so why aren't you dead?
Get bent,
Lori
-------------------
To the cute ropes course guy,
Please don't judge me by the yoga pants and sweat stains. I'm a fun gal when I'm not balancing on a wire and sticking my butt in your face. Let's do some experiential learning of our own.
Lori
--------------------
Dear Dad,
I'm sorry for all of the times I got mad at you for not letting me do things like go to Ronnie's and shoot pool. I know now that they were smoking dope. And I'm sorry that Brad and I make fun of you for asking so many questions. You've left Gina alone, so I'm less afraid to introduce you to my boyfriend (if I ever get one). Happy Father's Day!
Your daughter

Double the fun

Since Hope's birthday was Tuesday and Dad's is today, we celebrated both of them today with a joint party at my house. We had standard New Year's fare: pinto beans, fried potatoes, cornbread, dumplings and mac and cheese... yes, we ate from the beige food group. I guess the food was okay; Taylor ate three helpings of dumplings, so it was worth the sweat and tears to make them.

Here are some pics from today.













Chance tried to run on my treadmill in socks and jeans at 8 mph and fell off. His pride hurt worse than his elbow.

Happy birthday, Dad!

Happy birthday to my dad. I won't say how old he is, but it rhymes with mixty tree.

(Oh, and happy birthday to my uncle Lary, too.)

Wonderful Christmastime

Some pics from this week:

Chance



Hope got lots of makeup



Taylor and me on Christmas Eve



Dad, Taylor, Hope, Brad, Chance and me



Mason and Isaac on Christmas morning



Jen and me on Christmas day



Taylor, Brad and me



Peyton taking his Christmas nap

The flyin', the witch and the whatever

Belated Halloween greetings from my awesomely cute niece and nephew, Chance and Hope. Oh, and my brother's not too ugly, either.

(Thanks to Dad for sending the pics!) Can you believe how much they've grown?

Like putting lipstick on a kid

Having come from humble beginnings, sometimes I marvel at my good fortune. But I also worry that I will, at some point, start to take my life for granted. I'm sure that Donald Trump thinks of new towers as "just another building," and Paris Hilton must grow weary of the paparazzi, but I still feel like Alice down the rabbit hole a lot of the time.

Today I had sushi with my pal Ashley for lunch, went to get a pedi (black... isn't that fun?), and then drove down to Mount Magazine for my conference. I checked into my king suite with the spacious views of the valley below from my balcony (see previous post). After tonight's dinner meeting, I got to visit with my BFF Alisa, then I languished alone in a whirlpool tub built for two. Obviously my life isn't perfect, but it's pretty amazing.

Seriously, when did I become such a brat? I don't even feel guilty. Well, not really.

I'm also grateful that I got to see a lot of my family earlier this week. Monday night I met my dad and the kids at Chance's baseball game. They lost, but then we went to McDonald's and he got over it pretty quickly. Hope found the lipstick in my purse, so she was looking pretty cute.

Adventures in leadership

Have you ever been bone-crushing, wearing tired? There's that feeling, and then there's that feeling plus two days of physical and mental exertion on the "adventure learning course" and late nights of watching the Olympics and visiting with people you just met who feel like friends you've known forever. I am exhausted.

On Thursday and Friday I had Leadership Benton County retreat, which I totally had a bad attitude about, and I loved. We spent the mornings getting to know more about ourselves and each other and the afternoons sweating at Base Camp. I was lucky enough to discover that there were plenty of climbers (those crazy enough to climb straight up 25 feet on a ladder, then strap themselves to someone else do go down the zip line, aiming for a tarp while dropping a small cushioned brain... long story), so I got to stay on the ground and attempt to catch the brains, which was much harder than it sounds. But just as weird.

Our last challenge was to balance on a large platform that had some sort of teeter-totter function. Imagine 38 adults who've known each other for 36 hours and have been sweating like fiends bunching up on a big platform all the while keeping it from getting unbalanced. Oh, and someone started singing "Rock the Boat." It could have been me. Then, after talking about our feelings and what we've learned, I booked it home to shower, put on makeup, and change for dinner on Beaver Lake. And since I was not counting on needing to shower nor getting lost in my time plan, I was a few minutes late.

The lake house used to be privately owned, but is now owned by a foundation that uses it for leadership retreats. It's gorgeous, with a beautiful, relaxing view of Beaver Lake outside of the dining room windows. We got a tour of the house, including the bomb shelter and extensive tunnel system underneath. Evidently the man who built it was a bit paranoid. How sad to live in such a beautiful place and not be able to enjoy it.

On the way home I talked to Hope on the phone, who was at Dad's watching a movie. She wouldn't say her ABC's for me, but she was trying to count to 100 very slowly. When my dad told her she skipped 15, she yelled, "Grandpa, I'm talking to Arney!" I laughed and said, "Sister, you did miss 15." She then said, "Well, Grandpa messed me up." Hmmm.. only four and already with the excuses. I was kind of glad she messed up, since the rate she was going we'd only be to 80 or so by now.

So I had a great, if tiring, couple of days. I spent yesterday napping and noshing on the Krispy Kreme donuts I bought because the hot light was on when I drove by Friday night. Now I'm watching the men win basketball gold at the Olympics and getting ready for church. But I'm sure there's another nap in my future.

Tomorrow I'm heading up one of the Day of Caring events in town. It involves manual labor. I haven't exercised in nearly two months, but I choose to get over that in a mere five days. Thankfully I have another massage scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.

Four more days, then I'll be on my way to Temple. The Texas kind, not the Jewish kind. :)

Have bags, will travel

This marks the fourth week in a row that I've spent multiple nights out of town. And I'm tired.

This weekend I have major plans of doing nothing and lying around watching movies. I just have to get through the next two days of work.

Today was a pretty uneventful day in the Fort, but I did get to go see Emma and Parker after work. Sweet little E let me hold her while she took a short nap. Yesterday I got to hang out with my dad, brother, niece and nephew for lunch, then I had dinner with my grandmother and aunt. My aunt's from Germany and my grandmother wanted to know if she spoke Vietnamese in addition to German, English and French. Vietnam's in Europe, right?

My natal anniversary

Today was exactly what I wanted.

After indulging in a morning latte and (my favorite!) white chocolate raspberry scone, I went to weekly devo, where they sang "Happy Birthday" to me. In harmony. It was quite impressive.

Brent and Kent from the Rogers office came over and joined Chris in taking me out to lunch, where I had chicken parmesan and chocolate pecan pie for dessert. They also gave me a box of chocolates which created multiple opportunities for them to channel Forrest Gump. It was a long lunch.

One of my favorite things about my job, believe it or not, is that my coworkers feel like family, in both the good ways and the bad. They make work fun, but they also harass me mercilessly and give me a hard time about telling the same stories over and over. I also, evidently, ask people to remind me to do stuff too often. Who knew?

I went over to the Corridor this afternoon to meet Dad and Vickie for dinner. We had a nice visit and a good meal.

I'm really very sleepy and ready to go to bed, but I hate for the day to be over.

Thanks to all of you for the phone calls, cards, texts, and e-mails. You made me feel truly loved!

Happy birthday to me

I am in official birthday countdown mode (it's a mere five hours for those of you who still need to overnight my presents).

I love any day when others realize that the world revolves around me. All kidding aside, I don't need presents. I just demand that everyone acknowledge my natal anniversary. I've already gotten five birthday cards (thank you Granny, Memaw Kat, Estella, Paige and Kelly), and that makes me so happy.

Tomorrow three guys from work are taking me to lunch. Granted, I dropped hints for about a week to get a lunch invite, but still... there will be frivolity and hopefully some singing. Then Dad and Vickie are meeting me in Fayetteville for dinner. This weekend I'm headed up to Mount Nebo to spend a couple of nights with Scott and Alisa, so I'm managing to stretch this birthday into several days.

Only 366 more days 'til the next one.

Sunday/Monday recap

Ok, this is about the cutest thing EVER! My grandmother and I stopped to visit Parker and Emma (and Larry and Ashley) last night after dinner. They are growing like weeds! They're now smiling and laughing and really responding. Ashley took this pic a couple of weeks ago (I bought them the outfits!). Don't you just want to squeeze them?



My grandmother asked if they were identical. I said, "No, one of them has a pee pee."

After surviving the strong winds last night that knocked out the power and downed power lines and tree limbs all over the Fort, I met my friend Susan at the country club to work at a golf tournament. Thankfully no one had a video camera on us as we, quite comically, struggled to put up a tent in the rain. Then it stopped raining just after we were done. By that time I had frizzy hair and two inches of mud on the bottom of my pants. The rest of the day was pleasant, and we got to visit in between guys stopping by for our bananas, cereal bars, and bottled water.

I dropped $113 on running gear at Academy Sports this afternoon. You may recall that Lonnie, Jen and I are going to "run" in a 5K this Saturday (the quotes are for Lon and me, who will probably walk 90% of it). Needless to say, if I'm going to run five feet I need to look good. So I bought new shorts, two shirts, running socks, and an industrial strength sports bra.

After a pedicure at my favorite nail place (yes, I'm a brat), I came back to Siloam and met my friends John and Tricia for dinner. Now I'm just unloading my car and thinking I need to get on the treadmill. But I probably won't.

Yesterday, after Sunday School, I headed to the big city of Midland (pop. 221) to celebrate Dad's day with my dad, stepmom, brother, nephews, and niece. I also got to see the famous Uncle Cecil Missouri, who's evidently forgiven me for deserting her five months ago. We ate burgers and watched Chance try out his new golf club while Hope played with her imaginary baby sister. When we left, Hope told Brad, "Bye, Daddy. Happy Fodders Day." It was cute.

This coming weekend is Brady's birthday party, so I called to find out what he wanted. He wants cash to buy a big screen TV. Lucky thing his mom's a doctor.

I hope everyone had a happy Fodders Day and sustained little or no wind damage. Is it too early to go to bed?!?

Happy Dad's day!

It's Father's Day, so let's all take a moment to pay tribute to our dads. Mine is almost as groovy now as he was during the 70s.

Thursday update

Those of you who were worried about me (Dad, Kelly) will be glad to know that I ate real food today. I had fruit for breakfast, but salmon and bread for lunch (yum) and an Arby's roast beef sandwich for dinner. But still no Diet Coke. Hooray! And the detox resulted in an 8-pound weight loss overall. Not too shabby.

I left my house at 7:30 a.m. and drove to Little Rock for lunch and three job interviews, then I drove back home. And now I'm tired. The bone-weary kind of tired. Poor Lola got a $53 fill-up and 420 miles on her today.

Tomorrow's another vacay day, although I do have to do a lunch interview and have a meeting with my boss. But other than that, no work. Really. Well, probably. And then Kelly and I are off to T-town to meet Sorne and Amanda. I am so excited! I'm really craving Cheesecake Factory, so that's my dinner vote. And then it's the premiere of SATC at 10:30. I hope I'm still awake by then. I'll probably have to take a disco nap tomorrow afternoon.