Forgiveness... even if you don't love me anymore

The past few days have run the gamut of emotion. So much sadness, yet joy in knowing how many people truly care. It's in times like this that I am humbled by who God is. I am overwhelmed by His grace and His mercy, and His character of compassion shown by so many of His children. I am unequivocally blessed.

After several days of lethargy, I finally trekked over to Rogers yesterday for a much-needed massage and dinner with my good friend Kelly. It's weird sometimes to think back to how people come into our lives. I know Kelly because of my good pal and former roommate Sorne, but I know without a doubt that God gave me Kelly because she is my Barnabus... my encouragement and someone I can always depend on.

Today I went to a birthday party for a friend, then met Kelly and one of her friends for church. Tonight was communion and really an awesome service. I usually go on Sunday mornings, but have no doubt I was meant to be there this evening. (For more about that, visit the other blog.)

Earlier in the week I got a sympathy card from someone whom I've wronged, and it humbled me. It also made me start thinking about forgiveness. It takes so much energy to be angry. So I realized that sometimes forgiveness isn't about the forgiven so much as it's about the forgiver. It's easy to forgive someone who deserves it, but much more difficult and character-building to forgive someone who does not.

But if we really want to be more like Christ, isn't that what we should do? He forgave Judas. Not because of anything Judas had done, but because of who He is. I don't earn His forgiveness for my sin, either, but He gives it freely because that's God.

So I've decided to stop being mad. And yeah, LB doesn't deserve my forgiveness. He was a jerk. He hasn't been a good friend to me when I needed him most. But if I'm ever going to put some feet to this faith, I've got to live it when it's hard.

Olive branch extended. Dinner tomorrow. Much prayer needed.

Joy and pain

It's official. I cursed myself. After bragging about my fitness prowess, I totally pulled a muscle in my back. I did nothing all weekend except pop pain pills, rub biofreeze on my shoulder, and lie motionless. The good news is that I finally cleared off my DVR. The bad news is that my 5K training has come to a screeching halt. Not that it was going so well in the first place...

It snowed all day yesterday. Big, beautiful flakes of snow. This morning? Not a trace.

I did manage to take a shower and head to church this morning, even though I had to go to the late service since I overslept. But I'm really glad I went. The church I attend does a lot of worship choruses and new songs, so it's rare for us to sing a hymn. I suppose it's just as well since a lot of those songs I know so well that I start to sing them absently, not paying attention to the lyrics. But this morning we did "Blessed Assurance," and it was like I was hearing the song for the first time (granted, there was an accordion, so perhaps that was the difference?). What a blessing... for I am sure that Jesus is mine.

We've been studying the book of I Thessalonians for a couple of months. This morning the pastor talked about the difference between happiness and joy. God never promised us a lifetime of happiness. But He did promise us joy in Him. We can't always praise Him for the circumstance, but we can praise Him in it. Even when it's hard.

This was a really random post. I'm blaming the pain pills.

Where did the weekend go?

While I realize that the work week is five days and the weekend only two, it seems those two blessed days are much less than 28% of my week. The time from Friday at five until Sunday at ten seems to fly by, and I'm often left wondering how in the world I wasted the past 52 hours. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and thank God for it every single night, but still... I'd be lying if I said that I never considered what it would be like to be a lady of leisure. I live for my weekends and days of watching football (hooray for the first full weekend of the pigskin!), reading books, visiting friends, and sleeping in. Hey, 8 a.m. is sleeping in these days.

Last week was quite busy, so I was in bed before 9 p.m. on Friday night. Yesterday I slept in, watched football all day, then headed over to Rogers for church. I've been looking for a church home for over a year, first in Conway and now in NWA, and have never found a place where I belonged. Every time I get to go to chapel at work I leave filled with the Spirit and full of peace and joy, and I really want to find that same feeling someplace on the weekends. Oh, I know worship is about Him and not about me, but still, I really want to be someplace I can be happy.

So yesterday I crossed the county to meet a coworker and his family for Saturday night church (and no, it wasn't LDS), and I loved it. The praise and worship was awesome. The message was inspiring. Granted, it was only my first trip, but I think it's a great start. So I'm praying for God's guidance on whether that will be my new church home.

After church I went to visit some friends who recently moved to Rogers who paid $35 to watch the Hog game on PPV. Yeah, we won, but it was not pretty. It's going to be a loooooong season, Razorback fans.

Now I'm gearing up for the week. I'll be traveling to all four of our offices in 24 hours, so it will be a crazy few days. Oh, and I have 300 bags of microwave popcorn in my trunk, so now my car smells like butter. Hmm...

The good news is that the Cowboys looked great today (yeah, they played the Browns, but still), and Felix had a TD. The bad news is that pretty boy Tom Brady is evidently out for the season with a torn ACL. Guess the MVP award is officially up for grabs.

Later, kids.