Postcards from the edge, part deux

Chick from the tanning place,
Thanks for putting down your nail polish long enough to do your job. And yes, I'd like for you to clean the bed before I get in it, and so would the health department. Oh, and by the way, I don't speak French, but I'm pretty confident that the "x" in St Croix is silent.
Lori
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Dear LRIB,
Woo-hoo! Thanks for the charming e-mail. And yes, I'll be your Facebook friend, or whatever else you'd like. I even might learn to like the outdoors for you. Few other men could convince me to stand in a circle and remain silent while others assemble plungers and green balls. But it totally made sense at the time.
Lori
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Mother Nature,
I'm all for seasons, but really... does it have to be this friggin' hot? I'm melting. I did NOT buy $30 makeup so that it could drip off my face onto my $400 handbag. If I wanted this much humidity I'd move to Texas.
xo,
Lori
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Dr. Love,
Thanks for the very nice lunch at the very nice restaurant. If you were trying to impress me, you performed admirably. Wish I could have stopped thinking about LB while I was eating my expensive crab cakes. And ordering the dessert for me and telling me I needed to eat something? Bold move, but my thighs disagree. Still very, very sweet.
Lori
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Lawyer boy,
I suppose I was naive to think that, even though I invested nearly a year in our relationship, I could get over it in a matter of days. It sucks how much I miss you. It sucks even more that you haven't called. Obviously I overestimated how you feel about me, and underestimated how I feel about you. And you wonder why I have trust issues? I hope you're happy. No, that's not true. I hope you're as miserable as I am.
Sad girl