Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Recovery
Just wanted to let you all know that I'm recovering nicely from surgery yesterday. I got some good sleep yesterday and now I'm ready for my all-day staff meeting. No rest for the wicked, I suppose.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Inappropriate, party of one
As a result of my not-at-all embarrassing mammogram last week, I got to endure a biopsy this week to determine that the huge mass in my left breast is, in fact, a benign tumor. Many of you have been faithfully praying for me and checking on me and for that, I am eternally grateful. This whole experience has made me realize how very lucky I am to have such awesome friends and family.
It's also made me realize that I find humor in really weird things. During the past month, I've been examined by no less than five doctors, and I've lost what little bit of dignity I had left.
Today I went for a surgical consult. Yes, the tumor is benign, but it's growing rapidly and so I'm having it removed.
The surgeon brings along some sort of student. Intern, resident, random pervert, I'm not sure. Anyway, that means there are three people in the room while I'm getting my consult. Surgeon is giving the play-by-play to the student about doing a "corkscrew" method of breast exam (as opposed to the more popular "radio knob" method that most men use). He then starts to describe the tumor to the student, telling him how to tell the difference between a benign tumor and a malignant one.
Me, being the good sport that I am, say, "Do you want to feel?" to the student. He looks like a kid at Christmas and says, "You don't mind?" I reply, "Heck, I've been felt up by 15 people in the past three weeks. What's one more? Are there any random people walking down the hall who want to violate me?!?"
Doctor and nurse can't stop laughing at this point. I'm sure there's some sort of "wildly inappropriate" notation on my chart.
The surgeon later told me that he will try to do something cosmetically pleasing with the incision, but that some women were not happy after the surgery because there will be a scar. I said, "Well, I was going to pose for Playboy in January, but I suppose that's out."
I guess the blessing of this whole ordeal is that a few guys have gotten to second base with me the past few weeks. But none of them bought me dinner.
It's also made me realize that I find humor in really weird things. During the past month, I've been examined by no less than five doctors, and I've lost what little bit of dignity I had left.
Today I went for a surgical consult. Yes, the tumor is benign, but it's growing rapidly and so I'm having it removed.
The surgeon brings along some sort of student. Intern, resident, random pervert, I'm not sure. Anyway, that means there are three people in the room while I'm getting my consult. Surgeon is giving the play-by-play to the student about doing a "corkscrew" method of breast exam (as opposed to the more popular "radio knob" method that most men use). He then starts to describe the tumor to the student, telling him how to tell the difference between a benign tumor and a malignant one.
Me, being the good sport that I am, say, "Do you want to feel?" to the student. He looks like a kid at Christmas and says, "You don't mind?" I reply, "Heck, I've been felt up by 15 people in the past three weeks. What's one more? Are there any random people walking down the hall who want to violate me?!?"
Doctor and nurse can't stop laughing at this point. I'm sure there's some sort of "wildly inappropriate" notation on my chart.
The surgeon later told me that he will try to do something cosmetically pleasing with the incision, but that some women were not happy after the surgery because there will be a scar. I said, "Well, I was going to pose for Playboy in January, but I suppose that's out."
I guess the blessing of this whole ordeal is that a few guys have gotten to second base with me the past few weeks. But none of them bought me dinner.
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