Wilderness safari

I am not an outdoorsy kind of girl. I dislike bugs, humidity, and am very allergic to grass, trees, and bee stings. Being outside makes me perspire and itch.

So I'm not thrilled to be embarking on our annual staff retreat today. Granted, it's at a mansion and not in a tent, but still... it's about 100 degrees and we're going to be outside all day. On the ropes course.

I hate heights, so as the person who scheduled this shindig, I requested no high ropes. But the powers that be vetoed my request, suggesting that it would be helpful for my team to see my vulnerability.

I willingly admit that I'm a control freak. And I'm sure that my staff and others find me void of emotion and all of the touch-feely mumbo jumbo that goes along with working at a Christian organization. But I don't understand how watching your boss freak out while trying to balance her size 11 shox on a small stick while standing 25 feet in the air makes you respect her more. Is being thrown up on a bonding moment? I suppose so... it's been working for sororites for decades.

So I've agreed to sweat and swear on the ropes course all day. Luckily there's a beautiful view of Beaver Lake. Where I will jump rather than climb a telephone pole.

In convincing me of this terrible idea, someone said, "C'mon, what would Jesus do?" Um, not really a fair question since JC has the benefit of knowing the future. He also turned water into wine and that did not turn out well the last time I tried it.

I mean, really, who thinks it's a good idea to harness yourself to some guy who has to somehow catch you if you fall? And I hate it how they always size up the guys to see who could possibly counterbalance me. Jumbo, put down your donut and strap yourself to Lori.

If I die, it was nice knowing all of you.

Of course, I should have some affection for the ol' ropes course. After all, it was in said harness while sweating in August that I met the boy. Strap me in, fellas.