Cock-eye

When I was a kid, my parents and I (I'm sure my brother was someplace way cooler than hanging out with us in our paneled station wagon) used to play the "cock-eye" game in the car. You know, when you'd see a car with one headlight out and whoever yelled "cock-eye!" first was the winner. I think it was the predecessor to slug bug or the license plate game.

I've been driving around cock-eyed for nearly a month. To be fair, my pal Joe offered to fix it for me when I was still in Conway, but I was way too preoccupied with packing to actually purchase a new light, so it didn't get done. And I don't do too much nighttime driving, so I didn't think about it really.

But for the past couple of weeks, people have been––thinking they're being helpful--alerting me as to my cock-eyed transportation. And, as previously reported, I received a warning ticket on Friday night from Barney Fife.

So I went to Wal-Mart on Sunday to buy a few groceries and a new headlight. I'm a modern (and cheap) woman. Surely I can save 50 bucks and put in my own headlight, right? So I got out to the car, popped the hood, and could not for the life of me figure out how to get to the stupid thing. Disclaimer: cars and bugs are where I become a girl. I don't know the dangers that lurk under the hood of a vehicle. Am I going to hurt myself? I'm really thinking I should've been more proactive about letting Joe fix it. Or maybe it's worth missing a few meals to pay to have it done. Keep in mind that I'm the chick who made 40 percent on the mechanics part of the ASVAB exam.

Here's where Wikipedia is awesome. There are step-by-step instructions on there, detailing what to do and promising a 10-minute task. Obviously a man estimated the timing. I mean, just because Ashley can make a cheesecake in 20 minutes doesn't mean I can do it in less than two hours.

I had to unscrew the cover of the air filter in three places (impressed, ladies?), remove the cover, and pop off the cover of the lights. I fought with the clip on the new light for 20 minutes, and couldn't figure out why it didn't fit. I compared new light to old light and discovered they were different sizes. Ugh. Wal-Mart automotive dude sold me the wrong size! I am indignant at this point. I had to screw the cover back on the air filter and drive back to Wal-Mart to exchange the stupid thing. And you know how lovely the customer service desk at Wal-Mart can be. But I finally exchanged it, came back home, unscrewed the air filter cover AGAIN, removed it, took the back off the light, and replaced it. I was so proud of myself. I am a mechanical genius.

So I turned the lights on and.. nothing. Guess what? I changed the wrong light. I am a mechanical idiot. Obviously Mr. Six-bucks-an-hour Electronics Dude was smarter than I gave him credit for. By this point I was NOT going back to Wal-Mart again; it was getting dark and the last thing I needed was another warning ticket, so I waited until today, when I stopped at Auto Zone and got another light.

So I unscrewed the top off the air filter yet again, found the right light, and fixed it in 10 minutes. Well, 45 or so if you count the whole time. Or more if you count the three trips to buy/exchange/buy lights.

The good news is that neither light on the passenger side should go out for awhile.

Who needs a man? I can change my own headlights. No more cock-eye.